There's more to life...

There's more to life... http://www.geeksui.com/index.php?blogId=1 metroninja 2009-04-23T11:54:56Z Parties up and comming http://www.geeksui.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=16&blogId=1 So friday is the ABC party (anything but clothes) and I'm looking very much forward to it.  It's taking my creativity to new levels and it's hard to not revisit previously used standards like caution tape or duck tape.  Plus I'm planing for next months party and trying to lock down a theme, much more inside (including house and bike stuff).I actually came upon my costume in a dream I was having about...well going to the ABC party.  In the dream I was making my costume out of boxes and stuff and decided it sucked and so came to the conclusion I should make it out of candy bars (it was a dream, cut me some slack).  Then even in the dream I realized how dumb of an idea that was and came up with what I'm going to use (secret until friday is over).  I've strongly considered using lots of supplies I have at work like Cat5 (network) cables, power cables and cable managment arms for a fierce looking robot ish outfit but I think I'm going to go with my softer side and use the one I've chosen (all will be revealed in pictures come Saturday/Sunday. Of course seeing as the ABC party is this weekend that means that come the begining of next month it's our turn to throw the big bash.  I'm trying to come up with a strong theme and am not quite sure yet what to choose.  I'm leaing towards a 007 James Bonde party where you come dressed as your favorite Bond character and drink martini's.  I'm also strongly considering a Heaven and Hell party where you dress accordingly to one or the other, decorate the basement as hell and the main floor as heaven.  In the end I'm not sold on either yet and will buckle down in the next few days so people have plenty of time to plan ahead. As to the rest of my life, the house is just finishing up, plumbing is done, all the sinks, toilets and faucets are in and just about everything is done.  I have to do some painting, a bit of grouting and sealing and then some framing in my bathroom in the shitter room and things are done (For now).  The roof is being replaced as we speak and should be done this weekend.  That leaves some finishing work in my bedroom for me, getting the glass door for the shower, new carpet downstairs, and then extensive cleaning for things to be in a state of normality.  This has of course run me dry financially so I've decided to sell my yellow bike, the 2000 Honda VFR.Because I was selling my VFR I needed to get a 2nd seat for the Ducati which costs around $2,100 bucks to get the parts which is insane so I found a guy who would trade me for the single seat I had for 40 bucks (the cost of 1/2 the plane ticket for him to fly up here and trade me the parts).  I was able to tear down the bike and put it back together myself and am happy the way it turned out, though it definetly looked cooler with a single seat.  I think the added uitility is more important for sure.  If your looking for a great well taken care of 2000 Honda VFR let me know ;-) General 2007-02-07T15:32:53Z metroninja What doesn't kill us... http://www.geeksui.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=15&blogId=1 Makes us stronger.  But fuck if it doesn't hurt for a while.  I think it'll be 1 month come tomorrow since dumpsville and I couldn't be happier to say goodbye to this past month of suck.  Nothing but a future of blue skies lie ahead... or so I hope :-)As I reflect back and the anger that was has abated, I have seen all my failures I've made over the past 6 months, with friends and in relationships.  It's odd how people act differently in certain situations and I finally have a guiding light into my own issues.  There is something about seeing someone have the exact same problems you did that makes you truly understand how your own actions affect those around you.  I've seen my shortcommings in both friendships and relationships and have begun my internal battle to fix those problems.  Time to grow up... I'm finding myself more and more aware of my own shortcommings and not as afraid as I used to be to face them.  Maybe it's maturity, maybe it's a magical dragon with a white and blue sparklie aura...either way I'm resolved to become a better person and will work hard at it. In more exciting news, the house is nearing completion and as I write this there are two mexicans tiling and grouting my bathroom as we speak.  The plumbers will be here to finish trimming out on Monday and then another week of small work and things should be done.  It'll be nice to have all this work finally complete as I've been living in a construction site for almost 2 months now...and it wears on you.  Not to mention I'm poor as shit because of it.  I seriously am going to write a cool blog come next time around I promise.  Minibike pollo, my new nike+ ipod, Hookah night, the parties were planning...so much to talk about.  But I gotta get the house done first and then I'll find myself with infinetly more time to do whatever :-) General 2007-01-18T16:56:31Z metroninja 2 weeks in the past, Back on the horse we go http://www.geeksui.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=14&blogId=1 Yee Hahw, it's strange how much perspective 2 weeks can give you.  Sometimes I hate being a guy...actually not really since there are very few instances where I can think of where I'd want to be a woman (minus having a great rack).  Well women get longer orgasms and that would be sweet.  Anyways back on the subject I've done my time and already things are turning around for the betterThe entire 2 weeks feels like a huge weight was on my shoulders but strangely everything started looking up Friday night (day 14).  I don't know what it was but it's as if my confidence, and game all of the sudden re-emerged out of nowhere.  There is a strong possiblity it was all psychosomatic (sp?) but either way I don't care cause I feel leagues better.  I was able to talk to women again without issue and all my dorment flirting ability began to re-emerge.  I was worried that after pouring too much into a relationship without abandon I'd lose part of myself but it looks like this one ended soon enough before there was any ir-reparable damage done. The funniest thing is that I've had multiple people ask me for relationship advice in the past few days and it's amazing how many people had the exact same problems I was having.  The best part was that I was able to see the other side of the issue and give the advice needed to help facilitate the proper solving of the issue.  It's funny that I can give the best relationship advice to others but can't do shit for my own.  The thing is that seeing the other side fully I think I finally understand a lot more how women's minds work and I'll have a much better shot this time.  In fact so much so that I think I'm pretty dangerous right about now ;-)Anyways I gotta go eat some dinner and meet some friends at the bar, and don't worry this is my wrap up to my 2 weeks of emoness, I'm back on track again. General 2007-01-08T21:08:21Z metroninja 7 days gone by, one week in http://www.geeksui.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=13&blogId=1 So it's been 7 days since I got dumped, figured it was time for an update.  So there has been no contact as is typical with me, cold turkey is always really hard at first but the best way to move on.  With all the stuff needing to be completed at my house it's been rather stressful and made things more difficult then on average but I'm getting bye.  I've done a lot more reflecting on the relationship and shit and I'm feeling a lot better.  I mean who would want to be with someone that would bail on them out of the blue, unwilling to work anything out?  Not me, that's for sure. The only thing I'm really bent about is New Years, I'm pretty much totally fucked as far as a date to my own party.  I'm not the type to go out and bang some hot chick right after I get dumped and right about now that's about the only chicks that are available to come to the party...hooooo's.  Not to mention I rarely settle for less then greatness so I'll likely be standing around looking stupid come midnight Sunday.  Such is life or so they say... As to the house, the hot tub sprung a leak, the plumbers are taking longer then we thought and we'll only have one bathroom for the party (girls + alcohol + one bathroom = BAD)  but I'm sure we'll get by.  This house is an endless money sink and I am starting to fear that I'll never get it how I want it, but I think that's kind of always the case with old houses.  Also, I've started my unyielding workout again to get my ass back in the shape...really really good shape.  I've been too stressed and busy the past few months but I'm not going to let anymore bullshit get in my way. That's about all for now, I'll see you in a week (or sooner if the party goes well and was interesting). General 2006-12-29T15:11:18Z metroninja Day 1...again http://www.geeksui.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=12&blogId=1 Day 1 of the 2 week recovery period that is sure to follow a breakup.  It happens to the best of us, but for the first time in many years I didn't see it comming at all, I was completely blind-sided.  I got dumped.So I know I haven't blogged much in the past 4-5 months but it's because I've just been busy.  I've had a lot to talk about, Minibike pollo, the new house, new girlfriend (now ex), Tim moving back in among many other things...but I just didn't.  Well now I'm back and I wish I could say it was on better terms cause well, I got dumped.At this point there is no hard feelings nor were there any harsh words that exchanged hands but I'm left somewhat flabergasted.  I kind of get why we broke up but at the same time I feel cheated since there was no "build up" to the breakup...from my perspective things were on the up and up and then the morning of this past friday it was over (for her).  For guys, we tend to fail at communication (either direction) and as a result often times don't see a breakup comming but really as T-unit put it girls usually love a guy that can communicate and as far as communication with girls is concerned I'm "a girls wet dream" for one that can.    That's why I feel so blindsided, I usually can read the souring of the relationship many months in advanced and can figure out why, what I'm doing wrong and pre-emptively strike before the relationship turns ugly.  That didn't happen and I guess I wasn't doing as good of a job on the receiving end of the communication.I still could sense something was wrong as my gut usually doesn't lie... but I found myself ignoring the warning signs.  I thought the problems we had were easily reconciable over time (from my perspective).  I mean shit, no ones perfect and I certainly have my flaws...but I'm always trying to better myself and I was willing to do it for her.  But in the end sometimes that's not enough and I get that.  Seeing that we were in a long distance relationship from the start and she was in a slightly more volitile environment (i.e. college) I can see where every small fight could seem more doom and gloom.As boring of a blog as this is, it helps to get it down on paper (or a php web blog) and be open and honest about my feelings and all that shit.  I've always said my life is an open book and I intend to keep it that way.  I've been through enough relationships and dating to know that the world isn't ending and I'll be alright...in about 2 weeks.  You know, the 2 week guy rule.  If you can go without contact for 2 weeks you'll survive.  It takes 2 weeks for most guys to go through the phases of "I miss you so much I'll fix everything I promise", "I hate you, you ruined my life you bitch", "God I'm horny, I'll say anything to have sex with you right now", and finally "well time to move on" phase.  Most guys end up getting hung up at phase 3 where they try incessently to sleep with there ex and drag it on for months trying to relive the last moments of passion.  I'm not that kind of guy.  Nor am I the "I'll fix everything" kind of guy when I've been dumped.  I deal fairly poorly with rejection and tend to clam up and enter "fuck the world" phase and stay there till I'm ready to come out of my cocoon of emo.  Lucky for me, since the relationship was long distance the chances of "I want to hook up with you so bad" won't ever come to fruition so this shouldn't be a heart wrenching 3-6 month fiasco of a break up.  It'll be the standard 2 weeks to get back on my feet and then start over again.That rule of course des not mean I am interested in even dating at this point or the near future.  I think I'll be back to my old non-emo self in the 2 week period but I'll need a little more time to reflect on my mistakes and ensure I have a more solid plan for ensuring I properly capture the next woman I fall for's heart.  There will likely be more dating hijinks in the future to post about but I'm not really thinking about that at this time.  For now it's time to ache and reflect and emerge as a better man.  Wow I sound so mature and grown up, I feel like I should talk about taking a big dump or something to make up for it.  Alas I shall skip that this time. Seasons grettings my friends General 2006-12-23T16:40:17Z metroninja The email sent round the world (of my friends) http://www.geeksui.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=11&blogId=1 Should I be above shit like this?  Yes.  Do I normally turn the other cheek and just move on?  Yes.  At the same time everyone messes up every now and again and somtimes people do something so dumb that I can't help but jump in and say my piece.  I do regret stepping in as I should be better then this but none the less it's still rather funny.So Brandon arrived back in Seattle on a Saturday (or Sunday, I can't remember) and I went to Lou's to say hi.  When I arrived everyone was sitting telling Brandon about some weird email they got from Karie (my ex-GF Witch) about a model shoot or something and Brandon and I threw around our usual jabs at her.  We of course moved quickly into other topics and the issue was dropped and moved on from...at least until Monday.On monday a happy little email from my best bud Tim that he had done a reply all to and added me. Too my amazement it was the email Karie had sent out to all my friends and she stupidly included some of my best friends.  Now the email was about voting for her in some silly modeling contest cause she'd get a paid modeling photoshoot.  Now there are 100's of funny and mean things i could say right now but like I said I need to pull my blows as when it comes down to it I'm the one that dumped Karie so I don't need to publicly deface her...I'll let everyone have their own opinion.  Her email to my friends was as follows:sorry everyone..... go to <a href="http://vote.radiovixens.com/" target="_blank">http://vote.radiovixens.com</a> no <a href="http://www./" target="_blank">www.</a> On 9/2/06, Karren Schafer <sapphire.marie@gmail.com> wrote: > > Please tell everyone to vote for me! If I win I get a paid shoot. > >Sapphire >www.vote.radiovixens.com > > Most people know that I always had a problem with Karie's desire to have a modeling "career" simply because the type she was heading to do was (in my eyes) not the "artsy" type as much as the internet wack off material type.  Now I'm no model crtic, but I do know internet wack off material when I see it *wink* *wink*.  Anyways the reason this whole thing BLEW UP into the fiasco it turned into was because of Tim's "reply all" which went as follows: 'Karie, You're a nice girl, you are also my best friend's exgirlfriend. Isn't this whole modeling/naked on the internet thing the reason you guy broke up? How can I support that? Not to mention that you seem to stick with the guys in your life until they are no longer useful and then shit on them and move onto another poor sucker. "I ain't no sucker", so please remove me from you mass mailing list. 'whoa, now that's gonna start a fire ain't it?  Sometimes Tim can be pretty narrowminded and it's frustrating, but it's times like this that I truly appreciate it!  Anyways Karie replied back to Tim who forwarded it on to me with his response:Karie:"i'll remove you from my mailing list... but we didnt break up because of modeling. Modeling is something I always wanted to do and Erik was secure enough to support me, instead he'd put me down and make me feel less of a person for dreaming and wanting something, because to him it was morally wrong. We broke up because we had nothing in common. and I we were both wasting our time But thanks for taking the time to write me and be an asshole. "Karie's followup right after:"I just noticed that Tim sent this to everyone... I'm very sorry that you had to deal with his immaturity. "Tim's response:"Look, I'm not going to get in the middle of this any more than I already am. . . but you crossed the line. Deal with it. "Now this is the point where i stepped in.  I shouldn't have, but something wasn't sitting right.  Either Karie was insanely naive and stupid, or she was lying to prove a point, either way she was completely incorrect in what she said and it pushed me to the point where I felt I needed to respond (but really I didn't). Me:"Just thought I'd chime in and say don't worry about the paid photoshoot, I have a large internet base of friends who has no voted a couple hundred times for other ladies. Also why does everyone in that photoshoot have some weird anomoly like a large forehead, lazy eye or enormous thighs? Personally I voted for lazy eye. Good luck and if your stupid enough to think the emailing all this shit to my best friends won't blow up in your face you really are as dumb as you act."Now I wasn't overly mean, like I wanted to be but I didn't even need to say anything in the first place.  Lou pointed out that I should be above all this (as the email I sent was reply all as well) and he was right.  I vowed to stop this insanity and just let it go...well then Heather responded.  Heather is her drugged out lying stealing friend (every witch has one, it's like their accomplice or something).  Anyways she sent me a nasty email telling me that I had nothing but internet friends and was still in love with karie and should stop crying over her as I'll never get her back. I sent her back a quick response telling her to go steal more dugs from her friends so she can keep up the crazy haze she's seeing the world through,  then I blocked her and deleted her email.  At that point I decided to completely remove myself and take the high road, albeit a little late.  Thus I deleted Heathers rebuttle, which was awful and not even worth mentioning as a 2 year old comes up with better ones.  A reminder, KIDS DO NOT DO DRUGS.  Karie's sister started email Tim saying he was an Ass (well duh) and they got into it but I stayed out. Then something funny happened, Karie started to win the contest, by a LOT.  I laughed because I had told my World of Warcraft Guild to vote for the ugly chics in the contest and do whatever they could to bring them up.  I then quickly followed up and said I didn't really care what they did as it's not my place to do anything.  THEN something hilarious happened.  Karie started to win the contest, by a LOT.  When I first checked it out when I got the mail she was in a distant 3rd, but after only 2 days she had skyrocketed into 1st and by a decent margin.  The attention that had been drawn to the contest by the drama Tim (and I) had created was pushing her to the top.  This wouldn't be funny except for the fact that one of my friends forwarded a blog she posted on myspace. The blog detailed how she was crying over me and how I'm still affecting her and she can't believe it cause I'm sabotaging her.  What?  Are you smoking crack, your winning now how am I sabotaging you?  I'm not going to post the blog here as I'm sure most of you have read it now (even I haven't read it, I just got summaries from various people).  My sister caught wind of this all and posted a bunch of mean stuff on my own myspace page regarding karie and how retarded she is, and Nicole (the current girlfriend) posted a blog about how stupid she is as well. Anyways fast forward to now, in retrospect this whole situation blew up into drama city and in fact is rather funny now hence why it's posted here.  Sorry I've been slow to blog, I'm getting ready to sell my house, and that coupled with work and the new full time girlfriend I don't have a lot of time.  Anyways more to follow soon ya'll. General 2006-09-29T14:31:48Z metroninja And the Asshole of the year award goes too... http://www.geeksui.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=10&blogId=1 Another weekend, another great story. Nicole was up here for another amazing weekend (3rd in a row) and things just can't seem to go sour no matter how hard we try to ruin it. I try and play video games, nerd out, be an asshole and she just sees right through my tricks. Well there is one story that MUST be told as it is the apogee, fastigium or one might even say the consummation of my career being an asshole (big words used to abate Sule's lust for them)...and well frankly I am in complete agreement that I was a 100% cock on a stick this weekend. BUT the guy had it comming to him...EDIT: Pictures will be uploaded tonight, Nicole took some shots of the whole event.I grab Samie, set the alarm, and Nicole and I start our adventure on this wondeful Saturday morning. At a crisp 80 degrees it seemed like the perfect day to walk over to Greenlake and sit around doing nothing. We walk about a quarter of the way around the lake to the spot next to the docks, and stop briefly to throw the ball for Samie into the water. After about 10 minutes of this I ask Nicole if she's ready to go and she agrees it's about time to be moving on. She informs me that her foot is itching again (from the bee sting she got last week on her foot) and walks to put her foot in the water. Flips flops + slick muddy embankment + Nicole = her falling flat on her ass. It was rather funny to watch but didn't look like something I would want to repeat. Being the asshole I am, I didn't help her up (because I was trying to control Samie) and was subsequently informed of my mis-calculation. My bad...I'm only perfect like 95% of the time. We make our way to the grassy area just before the water by the docks, tie Samie up to a nearby post and sit down. After about 10 minutes of chillin, Samie decides she's had enough of this being tied up crap and starts getting wrestless. She starts running in circles around the post and then starts pulling hard on the leash. This of course isn't enough for her, so she starts jumping up and down barking...and in the house of Erik that's a no no. So I walk up to her and say in my stern disipline voice "Samie SIT!" to which she ignores me. Of course I'm not going to allow my dog to go nuts like this in public and thus this is where the real story begins. Nicole gets up and heads to the bathroom at this point and I continue to attempt to tell Samie to sit. She continues to jump and bark so I am left with little choice and I slap her on the nose and tell her to sit, to which of course she recognizes as a "whoa, I dun fucked up" command. Something you should understand about my dog is that she's is a lab. You could kick her in the face full throttle and she would think you were playing with her unless you were yelling at her at the same time. She is a tank, and frequently falls down the stairs just because she can. After Samie realizes I mean business she sits down and calms down. 200 Yards away, a man who is sitting on the concrete plant holders on the outside of the sidewalk that runs around the lake stands up and yells something I don't quite understand. I look up to see a man who could be Tom Selleck's skinnier brother. <img src="http://www.celebritywonder.com/thumb/Tom_Selleck/TomSelleck_Spellman_8374191.jpg" border="0" /> He's wearing light blue/dark blue striped hammer pants, no shirt, target sunglasses, slicked back black with silver hair and is reading a book of some sorts. I realize he's talking to me and thus my curiousity is piqued so I give this man the most valuable commodity i have...my attention. Me: "what?" Tom Selleck: " Don't hit your dog, that's animal cruelty!" I stand there stunned for about 10 seconds...did this guy actually just say that? Me:"Eat shit and die in a fire" (Yes, I actually yelled those exact words) Tom Selleck: "That's great, I don't care if it's your dog man... that's animal cruelty and it's against the law" Me: "Why don't you do something about it?" Tom Selleck: "Don't hit your dog man..." This guy is obviously a broken reccord so I just sit back down stunned. He manages to repeat a 3rd time that hitting your dog is animal cruetly. I should note that there are 100's of people all around us watching this spectacle unfolding in front of them. Most of you know that I love attention of any kind...but I like to be the one in control and this fucker is going to pay for trying to be the bleeding heart martyr. I AM THE BLEEDING HEART MARTYR MOTHER FUCKER, NOT YOU. You just made the wrong move dick lips...I have no shame and an arsinal of horribly things I could do thanks to the wonderful school of the internet. Nothing is better training for winning stupid arguments then the internet and this guy just came up against the best. Nicole comes back at this point and asks what that was all about. I explain it to her and she starts laughing. She kisses me on the cheek and says "it's ok honey, don't worry about it" (we do the whole disguistingly sappy thing cause it's funny). We sit back and make fun of the guy for about 5 minutes but this isn't abating my anger any further. I decide to go get us some coffee from starbuck as leaving the situation may calm me down a bit. Upon my walk back I begin to formulate a plan of revenge and many things run through my head on what I could possibly do. Upon my return I begin discussing my various plans of revenge with Nicole to which she agrees that all of them are appropriate courses of action (I should note that I doubt she expected me to follow through on any of them). I finish my coffee, get up, and walk over to the garbage cans to deposit my empty cup. This puts me in close proximity to Mr. Selleck so I decide 'what the hay' and head over and sit down right next to him. Me: "Hey man..." Tom looks up at me (I should note he looked a lot older up close, late 50's when I got up next to him). Me: " I like to have anal sex with men" <img hspace="0" src="http://www.geeksui.com/crap/tomselleck1.JPG" align="baseline" border="0" /> <img hspace="0" src="http://www.geeksui.com/crap/tomselleck2.jpg" align="baseline" border="0" /> Tom looks back down at his book and kind of shakes his head knowing that he's about to receive an earful of tainted verbage. For the sake of those that don't like extremely descriptive sex acts, skip the specifics of what I said by not highlighting said quote below. Unless you have a dirty mind like mine you will not find it funny so feel free to continue on with the story. If you are like me, highlight said quote below to view it and you can see how far I'll go to win at life. Me: "I like to get really deep inside them and pound away for hours on end until I ejaculate my load into his inner rectum. You should try it sometime it's really great. I also enjoy rimming a guy, I like to taste his feces as I can really tell what he ate earlier, then I like to have him shit all over my chest and do a summersault over it and smush it into my chest. I then rub his excriment all over my body in glorious harmony and start to masturbate with his shit as my lube. I also enjoy fisting a guy...getting my entire hand into his rectal region and really feeling him from the inside..." Tom doesn't look up once during this entire conversation. He just sits there and tries his best to read his book. I can tell he's noteable disturbed and doesn't know what to do. See if he gets up and leaves, I win. If he says anything back...it's just going to egg me on and I win. His only choice is to sit there and take it which of course constitutes me winning again. Sucks to be him. I continue my rant on the different forms of having sex with men that involve feces and fellatio for about 5 minutes and as I'm drawing to a close I get up to leave when I look down and notice what book he's reading and I realize that the whole time the Holy Grail was right in front of my eyes...all I had to do was look. As I looked at the book it began to glow white hot as if god himself had touched the book and ordained the finishing blow I was about to deliver. Harry Potter book 6. Could it be any more perfect? Could there be any other way? How lucky am i to be handed this gem of destruction to complete the circle of dickdom?*SPOILER WARNING*If you have read Harry potter book 6 feel free to highlight the quote below but if you haven't and don't want the book spoiled DO NOT HIGHLIGHT THE TEXT BELOW AS IT WILL SPOIL THE BOOK.Me: "Oh by the way buddy, Snape kills Dubledor". I get up and walk away. Nothing else could have possibly fallen more into place and the pieces could not have come together better. Not only did our buddy Tom get an earful of some of the gayest and most disguisting things he's probably ever heard, I also spoiled HP book 6...which is the ONLY reason to read the book. Check fucking mate. I am SUCH an asshole. Postscript: For those curious he didn't respond at all, never said a single word. He was obviously a bleeding heart pascifist as the guy was all up in knotts about me slapping my dogs nose hence why I wasn't worried about violence of any kind from him. Few can match the repotoire of disguistingness that I have at my disposal so I wasn't worried about any possible verbage he could throw my way. After about 10 more minutes of sitting around watching him fume he got on the phone and was venting to someone. Nicole and I left and went home and I celebrated my victory by having sex (with a female of course, to you know, make up for the talk of anal sex with men). General 2006-08-21T15:19:45Z metroninja The BEST email I've ever gotten (addendum to "what I've learned so far") http://www.geeksui.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=9&blogId=1 So some of you know about my dating exploits, some don't. I'm going to flesh one out for those not in the know so you can truly appreciate this gem of an email. I seriously want to print it out and frame this shit...it's that fucking golden.So this pertains to a girl we will call kate (also known as porn-star head and cry on the 3rd date girl). Kate was a girl that started flirting with me on match.com (for those that don't remember I made a profile and free trialed that shit one bored weekend...I know I'm an attention whore sometimes). Well I decided it would be ok to meet this chick as worst case it would make a great story...and everyone knows I LOVE to tell my stories. First impressions were ok...she wasn't hot but wasn't un-attractive so I went with it.The first 2 dates went fine and it was obvious she wanted to get me in the sack after the 2nd date...I wasn't going to have that though since I'm not a whore but I contemplated writing match.com and telling them to change their slogan from "find love" to "GET ASS". After the 2nd date where I knew she was raping me with her eyes I had come to an impass...go further or get out. I decided it would be best to just let it die but I'm not so great at letting people down so I had to find a good way to do it.Kate invited me and Sule to come meet them that weekend as it was a bachelorette party for one of her friends and that was an easy sell for Sule. Little did Sule know all her friends were un-attractive...what a sucker. Well we hung out and followed them around (more like were dragged) to a few places and eventually katie's friends were too drunk and left. I had been practically ignoring katie all night because I was not exactly enamored with her anymore but she was still kissing on me all night. Obviously my cold sholder tactic wasn't working. Sule later commented that I was "being such a dick, it's unbelievable how much of a dick I'm being...it's awesome". Anyways Sule drove katie and I back to my place and that's when I learned of the true inner Katie. She came in and lets just say her porn star'esk personality came out. NO, I did not sleep with her as there was no way I'd let my #5 be this girl. Needless to say she was still quite dirty and insanely over-experienced at what she did try.Fast forward, date #3 (that last one didn't count as a date as we just met up with them in a bar) came and went. By then end Katie started complaining that I wasn't paying enough attention to her and even started crying to the effect that she didn't feel I was trying to get to know her, or letting her know me. This was the last straw and I turned stone cold after this point. Things went downhill (after another hour of just sitting there while she pouted about how I'm not trying hard enough) and eventually she left.She later emailed me and apologized for being so emotional but I planted seeds that eventually led our email thread that took place that day to the point where she said "maybe this won't work out". At that point I jumped up and did the happy dance at work as my mission was complete. I should mention that in this email thread she mentioned how she could contact 30 different guys at any time that would show up in a second and hook up with her if that's what she wanted. Anyways, point being she came to the conclusion on her own that we should end it and I didn't have to be outright rude and tell her that she's a crazed porn star reject. She asked if we could still be friends and of course I said yes...and that ended that...or so I thought. And now the moment you've ALL been waiting for...Today, a few months later,r I get an email saying i have a new myspace message so I go to my profile and find this little gem from "Kate" sitting in my inbox:Subject: I just wanted to say thank you... ... because if I had never had the joy and privilage to spend time with immature, worthless, insensitive, self-rightious little bastards such as yourself, I wouldn't be able to appreciate so very much the kind-hearted, polite, smart, interesting men in my life who not only are interested in me and my life, but also have conversation skills that are superior to that of an autistic child's (unlike yourself). I know you think you're fine as you are, and that's ok. But just know that while you should look back on the couple of weeks we were dating as time spent with one of the most quality women YOU will ever meet, I will look back on them and consider it time I should have spent doing something, ANYTHING else--because you, my dear, are a waste of a woman's time. WOW, JUST WOW. What have we learned my friends? Women can be crazy...really really really crazy. The fact that she actually thought this out and sent itshows how truly messed up she is. I had forgot and long moved on past her but aparently she is still dwelling on it. I've thought of many clever emails to send back like "I'd like to thank you for showing me that if a woman cries on the 3rd date to RUN LIKE HELL" or "I'm so sorry, please help me change so I can become completely pyscho like you" but I think I'll just post a blog about it so everyone can read and laugh at the funny shit I get myself into. General 2006-08-14T09:44:27Z metroninja The Camping trip...OF DOOM http://www.geeksui.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=8&blogId=1 So the 3rd anual Steinfeld camping trip took place this past weekend and boy was it a doozy. The first year was adorned with drunkeness and toga parties, the 2nd year was at a shitty lake and filled with people who are no longer part of the Steinfeld extended family ( sisters and my own Ex's). This year on the other hand crossed many different lines, and being that this is public domain almost none of these stories will get told here :-)T-Unit and I left work early on friday and stopped by the Ducati store to pick up my new bike. This would have been not such a big deal (well it is but I'll digress) if the engine light didn't come on while riding it home...quite upsetting for a new bike. I'd later find out it was a fan that wasn't plugged in, no big deal but at the time it started things off in a negative light. We thus didn't get out of town till later then expected and of course hit traffic. Not just any traffic but traffic that makes grown men cry. A few hours later we finally crawled out of Olympia to escape the jaws of doom that are friday seattle traffic.The trek was filled with flashing the "show us your boobs sign" constantly and though we got no boobs, we did get a few smiles. The winner of the "who did we piss off the most award" definetly goes to the blue minivan mom. After showing her the sign her face quickly turned sour and we were shown a finger that could be described as the "middle". We could almost hear her screaming in rage as this sign appeared to deeply offend her. 30 minutes later she is STILL following us flipping us off and we pull off to get food. Tim gets nervous because she continues to follow us off the freeway driving like a mad woman but right as we turned into taco bell she drove past us still screaming at us flipping us off. The funny thing was that she was so focused on us that when we turned she drove right through a red light. I was 1/2 hoping she would stop and get out so I could say "I just wanted to see your boobs but this is much better, my car or yours?"<img hspace="0" src="http://www.geeksui.com/cpg/albums/Camping%2006/normal_IMG_0752.jpg" align="baseline" border="0" />The sign was modifed with the "nuts" by my half brother during the night, totally ruined itThe only other notable thing that happened would be a quote from T Unit; "Wow, yours is so much bigger then mine! good thing you don't have a voice recorder...". No Tim, but I have the internet and a great memory. I almost wanted to leave this out of context but for his sake I'll fully disclose, he was talking about my dick (also known as my spicy chicken crunch wrap supreme).We arrived at the camp site just after 9 (we left around 3...fucking traffic) and set up camp. Exausted little happend this evening and no I'm not leaving anything out...seriously nothing happened. We were all tired and passed out shortly after getting there.<img hspace="0" src="http://www.geeksui.com/cpg/albums/Camping%2006/normal_IMG_0796.jpg" align="baseline" border="0" />Yes that's a giant plastic penis on top of my mom's tent.For the first half of Saturday, it remained un-eventful as well. We sat around making smores for breakfast, threw the ball for Samie and just generally lounged around. Then everything changed...Chainsaw arived. Chainsaw is my sisters (hot) friend for those keeping track. The reason this arrival is so key is that it initiated the drinking. The other important thing is that Nicole was directed to sleep in my tent...which was funny because blair was sleeping in her tent alone but who am I to complain? Around 3pm we all started drinking and that's when things started to pick up (and subsequently when I'm going to start leaving things out of the story). PBR came out, shorts of chocolate syrup and Schnaps were done, shotgunning beer, and then Beer Pong.<img hspace="0" src="http://www.geeksui.com/cpg/albums/Camping%2006/normal_IMG_0810.jpg" align="baseline" border="0" /><img hspace="0" src="http://www.geeksui.com/cpg/albums/Camping%2006/normal_IMG_0808.jpg" align="baseline" border="0" />T-Unit and I both weren't in frats as they didn't have them at SU, but were quick learners. As it turns out my more "experienced" beer pong partner was no where near the match of skill for me...even though we still sucked. Chainsaw and suffered a horrible defeat and thus had to drink way too much too quickly. It was at this point I needed to take a bathroom break and headed to the bathroom. T-Unit decided to come with me...never a good idea.There is a reason guys don't shit together....especially drunk. Girls, I don't know how they do it but with a guy friend sitting on the can right next to you, your elephent sized dumps are reduced to simple rabbit pellets. T-Unit started grabbing my leg under the stall which totally ruined my momentus dump and neither of us could stop laughing whenever we heard the other able to squeze out a small plop or manage to bust out a fart. We both left the restroom unsatisifed and still having to shit...but such is life. Never shit with someone you know next to you, it totally ruins it.More drinking insued and Sis finally reached her "Blair's Drunk state" which is a spectale in and of itself. She disregards everyone elses concerns and pretty much does whatever she wants, including yelling at the top of her lungs whenever she sees fit, drunk dialing everyone she hates and telling them so, becomes excessively violent, and constantly asking for rediculous things and not ceasing till she gets them. It's not so much what she asks for, but that they have to be done in a specific way. If say she wants some water...she won't get it, she'll yell at me when I'm already in my tent (cuddling with chainsaw) and continue to yell until I get it for her. Nevermind that it's 1am, tim is RIGHT next to her trying to give her water and that people from 4 campsites over are yelling at her to "shut the fuck up". So we eventually everyone falls asleep...except for me. Just as I'm getting comfortable...it starts. Now Blairs friend had warned me about how she snores when she's drunk but I tend to overlook that in the face of "hot chick in tent" vs "no hot chick in tent". Lets just say that's how she earned her nickname. Don't get me wrong, it was definetly worth it to have her there and no I didn't bust a move on her as everyone seems to already know that I'm a prude.Well around 6am I wake up to a rogue dog humping the shit out of Samie. Hung over, no sleep and samie rustling around trying to get this dog off her ruined the last waning moments of my morning...the humping went on till 8:30am when the owner finally woke up and came over to pick up her dog. It was funny because the owner of the dog made some snide comment about us being the loud campsite. Um...your dog was just humping my dogs leg outside my tent for 2 AND A HALF FUCKER HOURS, you should have to pay me or some shit so get your dog and get the fuck out of my campsite.<img hspace="0" src="http://www.geeksui.com/cpg/albums/Camping%2006/normal_IMG_0817.jpg" align="baseline" border="0" />And that's prett much where the story ends. That morning I tried to sneak away to use the crapper while Tim wasn't paying attention, but 1 minute after entering I see someone walk in, enter the stall and proceed to drop an elephant sized shit next to me. Tim immediatley starts laughing, and thus so do I and he informs me that he knews I was here and wanted to wait but couldn't because he was going to crap his pants. I couldn't wait to get home and abuse my own throne in peace.The trip home was un-eventfull but it was a great and unexpected camping trip and you probably have no idea what I'm talking about unless you were there. In fact I think this entire blog is funnier simply because it seems like everything is building up to something but nope, it doesn't. Such is life, what can I say?Quotes: (way too many I can't include, ugh)"You're a pervert and he's a gentleman""God, yours is so much bigger then mine""ERIK, GET ME SOME WATER""I beat Tim and both Sorry and at life" (this was funny because we played the board game sorry and Blair won, and in fact Life is a board game a well though it wasn't referenced...I doubt she thought about how funny this was though when said) General 2006-08-03T15:45:23Z metroninja What I've learned so far... http://www.geeksui.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=7&blogId=1 So since I've been dating pretty heavily there are a few things I've learned and I figured it would be a good time to impart this knowledge. Though a lot of these things seem like they would be standard knowledge it should come as no surprise that in many cases they are in fact not.1. You are not allowed to cry on the first 10 dates. I'm sorry, but crying on the 4th date because you think I'm not getting to know you enough or you don't feel like your getting to know me is not acceptable. The second a tear is shed about anything I'm doing in the first month and your out the door (unless you have an amazingly good reason to do so).1b. I'm always very happy when you come to the conclusion that "Maybe this just won't work out" and usually will promptly agree. I am not very good at hurting people so usually if things start turning sour quickly there is a good reason. I just want you to know that even though you think it's your idea, it wasn't. I turned things sour so that we could end this trainwreck quickly and with the least amount of pain possible. When I do finally see that email/call, though I may act somber and upset in reality I'm celebrating like it's 1999.2. I'm not sleeping with you because I'm trying to be respectful. If you take issue with the fact that I don't want to have sex with you right away you should go see a therapist. I'm doing it for your (and my own) sake and if you have degraded yourself to the point where you base your self worth over if the guy your dating is trying to get you in the sack then it's time to re-evaluate what's important to you dear.3. If we are camping at the Gorge for the warped tour, I'm carying around 2 PBR's in my back pocket, double fisting 2 more and already drunk out of my mind...when you come hit on me it's not because I like you, I don't know any better. If on top of that there is a bet to be won and the stakes are high, your damn right I'll do anything to win. The important lesson here kiddies is that if I take you into my tent to make out with all the afformented cases listed above, you are not allowed to get super pissed when you realize I was only using you to make out. What, did you think the stars aligned just right this eve and capricorn and orion's belt were shinning down in just the right light to bring us together in perfect harmony? No I'm fucking drunk and trying to win a bet. I even told you about the bet so you have no room to complain when I kick you out of the tent. You smell like old hamburger, I'm not that attracted to you, my buddy didn't follow through on the bet (fuck you Sule) and I am drunk as hell and want to sleep, get the fuck out so I can pass out please.3a. If you tell me when I'm drunk "You're such an asshole, I like it!" you can't get pissed when I end up being an asshole the rest of the night. This may be just me in particular but if you encourage a guy to do something like "be an asshole" then most guys will comply since it's pretty easy. You are not allowed to storm off with your final words being "God you really are an asshole, I thought you were just a nice asshole but your really just a mean asshole!". Are you kidding me, there is only one type of asshole and it's between my hairy but cheeks. Nice and Mean do not apply to the forbidden area, it just is.4. Don't lie about your name, I don't care where I met you or if you trust me...if you have to lie about your name that means some fucked up shit has happened to you and I want no part of your U-Haul full of baggage.5. If you happened to be dating one of my ex-girlfriends and i run into you, don't bother even looking at me. If you come up to talk to me I'll simply inform you that "we don't have to do this pretend to be nice shit, were not friends and I'm not going to pretend that things are ok, your a cock". I prefer the distance and I'm glad it's been maintained up to this point. I am aware that you lost in the end because I got rid of that shit for a good (usually multiple good) reason(s) and you just picked up the mess that was left behind.6. If you have hair in your butt, you are out. I don't care how cool, attractive or fun you are, if you have hair in your but your just done. End of story. If on top of this you have nasty feet, it's like 150% over, in fact it was over before it even began and I was dumb for thinking otherwise. I apologize to myself for going through it.Disclaimer: Yah, a lot of this makes me out to look like a dick, but I'm just relaying the bad experiences in a negative light for the sake of being funny. I wasn't THAT much of a dick in all of these circumstances, but they are shown in that light to make this post funnier. Don't hate General 2006-07-26T10:12:17Z metroninja